Baked some iPhone cookies to trick cops into pulling me over, then I just take a bite and ask if cookies are against the law.
My parents have gone to the other side of town and I was told I’d be babysitting my little brother. Two hours in I thought I’d check on him and he’s not here. He went with them. I’m the worst fucking babysitter I didn’t even know I wasn’t a babysitter.
this guy just asked me if im “full blown lesbian” now what does that even mean like hell yeah i’ve reached the maximum capacity of homosexuality i can finally ascend to gay fucking heaven
is masturbating while smoking weed called masturblazing
no its called highjacking
guys no it’s weedwhacking
no its called dissapointing ur mother